Post 2 Revision

Zachary Mello
English 101
Professor Tinberg
10/4/15
Umass Boston
Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.
In society there is always changes, sometimes good, sometimes bad, but it seems up until recently the changes in society have been nothing but negative. This may seem like a bold statement, but it is nothing but the truth. Although there may be many negative changes one has seemingly been sticking out like a sore thumb as of now. Many say differently some say the same, but the way people view police officers now is in a complete and utter negative way. One might be able to argue differently, and those people will; all it takes is a look on social media or in the news and the answer becomes clear.
For a long time police were members of society that people really liked, didn’t feel uncomfortable with them around or any of that. However this subject has done a complete three sixty. This isn’t a result of the police or the people, it’s the result of bad publicity and some individuals being questionable to whether or not they should be able to be law enforcement officials. The answer to that statement is no absolutely not. Some of the individuals in which are the ones who have been shown on news and social media are those who take the job to an extreme that never had to be reached in the first place. This extreme is what is making the people question whether or not the people they are looking towards for protection are out to help or harm them. The public is leaning more toward at this time is the police that they would like to think of as notable members of society are questionable.
The subject of police and the public has become nothing but dismayed. It hits at home hard because the police officers in my family are good, hard working citizens that do nothing but get up go to work and be fair to the people, while risking their own lives on a day to day basis. So when social media and the news bad mouth police officers and how they are more harm than anything, or are disruptive and over forceful, it hits right at home because that is only a select few of them not all of them. Those are the ones who should be forced to resign or have their cases looked into as a normal court case would be looked at. The thing is the ones giving the bad name need to go before society loses hope in the authorities and turns on them as a whole; if and when this happens it is going to be a mess for everybody instead of a select few.
Therefore something needs to be done and quickly before the good and the bad become one. Whether its incarceration or forced resignment there is a right thing to do and its waiting for someone to take action.

2 thoughts on “Post 2 Revision

  1. Hi Zach:
    This is an interesting and timely question. And your subject is a good and timely one.
    I wonder if you could rework the opening to more carefully define the issue that you are discussing. I find the opening paragraph to be less helpful than it could be.
    But here we come to focus. In the body of your paper you seem more concerned with social media representation of the problem than with the problem itself: stay focused, okay? So, what is the problem that you are addressing exactly? Is it the violence show by police toward black (you don’t mention the work, I believe) citizens? is it bad behavior by those citizens? Is it the role of the media? Let’s sharpen the focus here, okay?
    I don’t see a post write.
    Can you skip a line between paragraphs?
    edit for subject/verb agreement, as here: In society there is always changes,
    language a bit too informal? has done a complete three sixty.
    edit for comma splices, as here: This isn’t a result of the police or the people, it’s the result of bad publicity and
    please rephrase for precision/clarity; The subject of police and the public has become nothing but dismayed.

  2. I do agree the opening is a bit spiratic, i found it hard to stay on topic with this one due to the fact the this topic can go in the good way or bad way. Making it increasingly hard to stay on the right path.

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